"That we might not shrink..."

It's Easter Sunday and I have pondered much on the Savior this week.  I've been involved in heavier scripture and gospel study this year.  I felt a sudden urging to get better, be better, be stronger about 6 months ago.  It was a powerful feeling and one that, I know, was meant to prepare me for now and the times ahead.  Looking back, there have been many promptings and signs that the Lord truly was preparing Josh and I to have the spiritual strength to take on this trial of cancer.  I have said recently that I can vividly and surely see our Saviors hand in our life in the past few years completely guiding and preparing us, why would he take His hand away now?  He wouldn't.  I know that.  It is not an accident that Josh has cancer.  It's not coincidence either.  We were prepared (as much as you can be) and the Lord would not give us more than we can handle.  He moved us here to Vancouver.  Josh knew the minute that we pulled up to this house (without going inside) that we would buy and live in this house.  He told me so before we opened the door and said that I could look around if I wanted, but this was it.  It was a feeling from God.  Here our son was able to have a teacher that got us the help we needed and let us know that what we saw wasn't wrong and that we and he needed help.  When we moved here, Josh was able to serve in church as a scout leader with another man.  That man worked for the company that Josh now works for.  He was instrumental in the decision that we made to change jobs and work for this company.  This company now provides us with the great health insurance and disability we are now fully taking advantage of.  And most powerfully now, about a year ago now, Josh felt prompted and urged heavily to quit caffeine.  Josh loved his Diet Coke and relied on it heavily to help him get through his tough long days at the office.  Having faith that the Lord asks that we not be addicted to a drug in The Word of Wisdom, Josh quit his habit.  It was very hard.  His body definitely wanted and thought it needed that caffeine.  Eventually, he was successful and has not had a sip of Diet Coke in almost a year.  After the initial detox he felt great.  He had great energy, was blessed to succeed in work and started to feel healthier. He was working out and eating better.  If Josh had not quit this habit, we would not have noticed his health slowly decline and see the symptoms of his cancer.  I know this.  He would have hid them with more caffeine or brushed them off as too much caffeine and stress.  These are just a few examples of how our testimony as grown in knowing the Lord has guided our life and that He will continue to do so.  These experiences and many others have not been coincidence, chance or our doing.
On March 3rd, 2013, two weeks before Josh's cancer diagnosis, we were in bed flipping channels on our TV.  We do not often watch BYU TV but this night turned to it and saw Elder David A. Bednar give an address to the young single adults of the church.  He words deeply affected us that night and we spoke in length of our feelings on his speech.  We talked of what it would be like if one of us had cancer.  We spoke of how we hoped we would have the same kind of faith.
Looking back, it as though Elder Bednar was speaking directly to us.  It was not coincidence that we heard these words two weeks before our trial began.  Our hearts were being strengthened to withstand the times ahead.  Times that only the Lord knew were coming.
Please listen to this talk.  It says exactly how Josh and I are feeling and trying to handle this time in our life.  It is so complete in it's nature that it could be the one and only entry into our blog and would say all the things that we might try to say ourselves for the rest of our lives.  Listening to this talked changed the course of our lives without us knowing at the time.  Only the Lord is capable of such "coincidence".  If I know anything, I know that now and will never doubt it.  As much as the cancer hurts and as much as we are still fumbling to know our new normal, I'm excited for the growth that we have experienced.  For the eternal truths that we have been taught, for the stronger bond that we have made with each other and with our Savior.


That we might not shrink.....Elder David A. Bednar