Great results!!

It's been a while since my last post. Sorry. It's been a busy week(s). Cancer is still here but it's slowly becoming part of our lives, not all of it. We still have 3 young kids that don't stop needing food, love, fun, structure, assurance, rides, cubs, piano lessons, school routines.....etc. We are LIVING with cancer and a house full of little kids is living.
On the cancer front, Josh is doing great! Not just good, great! We are so blessed and humbled because we know that our prayers have not been the only ones headed to the ears of our father in heaven. I know that your faith has been used and your prayers have been answered. We feel them all. Josh's latest test results came back with astonishing results. Since our last post Josh quickly jumped on full dose tasigna. Four pills everyday. Two in the morning and two at night. He's taking them like a champ. He hasn't had any really serious side effects, some bone pain, a rash in his beard area, little compared to our morning of vomit a few weeks ago. These side affects are easily treated with hydrocortizone cream and Tylenol. Josh took full dose meds for 9 days and went in for a blood test....His white blood count went from 461 to 116!!!!! Normal is 6-12. We are definitely heading that way. We are trilled! Other test numbers went down too. Some even normalized! We are well on our way to our first stage of remission where his red and white count are normal. His spleen is slowly shrinking and we expect his side effects to subside as his body gets used to the medication.
So what are we doing to celebrate? We are going to Disneyland! The dr ok'd the trip. He did say that 3 months from now would be better (as josh should be feeling better than he has in years at that point) but Josh wants to go now with the kids and the dr didn't see a problem with that. We will be renting an electric wheelchair for him and Disney promises to pull all the stops so our trip can be magical! We are so excited and so blessed! Josh's mom and sister will be there as extra hands so Josh can go back to the hotel and rest. Following his schedule now, he'll be able to be out all morning through lunch, go back to rest a couple hours then be back out for the evening. Everyday he gets a little bit better and his schedule could change for the better by the time we leave. We are really excited for this trip and feel as though it will be a great boost for our family. It's still a secret for the kids however, SO DON'T SAY A WORD PLEASE! They know of a trip but not where or when. They only know that it requires a plane, bathing suit and will be lots of fun. So, May 6-10 we will forget about cancer and just have fun with our sweet family. Life is good!

A little bit if normalcy....

Josh is slowly, everyday getting a little better. He didn't even nap once today! We went to an oncology appointment on Monday after all our drama last week. After talking to the dr we are thinking that just possibly Josh's reaction wasn't a reaction to the drug at all. After Josh had his first round of tasigna, he waited the mandatory hour of fasting then went and ate a giant chicken burrito at the blazer game. We think he might have gotten food poisoning. Are you kidding me?!?!? The timing is ridiculous. All his his symptoms matched the food poisoning. The dr had never seen a reaction like that to tasigna. Ever. We have slowly started him back on meds at half dose, taken out the Prilosec and zofran and he has not had any side effects. So, tomorrow if tonight still goes well, we start on FULL dose tasigna in the morning. Wish us well.
In other news we had some normalcy come back to us today. Noah had his first official baseball game tonight. The whole family was able to attend and for awhile we all forgot about the cancer thing. Especially when Noah hit his big double his last at bat!

Miracles and Blessings

This cancer thing is a roller coaster of emotions. It dips and turns and brings the unexpected, but also has some great moments of smile and laughter. First off, Josh is doing great! We did lessen the dose to half of what he had before and remarkably, MIRACULOUSLY, he had no side effects. NONE. This is a huge victory in that it looks like we will be able to continue Tasigna...we just have to figure out the right amounts. He is not as tired as he once was and continues to have a good appetite, though you wouldn't know it, he is still really skinny for Josh. We need you all to know that we feel your prayers. We have seen them answered and continue to see our friends and family around us be the Lords hands. They have lifted us up when we are low and have brought help where we didn't even know we needed yet. Every time I begin to feel like I can start doing everything on my own, they come to rescue me when I realize that it's all too soon. I feel as though my friends know me better than I know myself. But the real truth is that my Father in Heaven knows me better than I know myself and prompts those around me to come to my aid. I know that we are receiving support and love from both friends and family here on earth and from angels beyond the veil as well. We are truly blessed. At times we are able to look at this cancer as a huge blessing-at times. My goal is to be able to forever think of this trial as not a trial at all but a time when we were nearest to the Lord, nearest to each other, nearest to our friends and family. I want it to be a dear memory, not something to be forgotten. However, this absolute acceptance will have to be a future goal. Some days now are very hard. Gut wrenching and tormenting. Some days it feels like our house is under a dark cloud. There is a thick sadness in the air. There is fear, doubt, worry, stress, anger and grief, all the things that Satan would have us feel and definitely not what God intends us to feel now. We fear the future, doubt the present and grieve the past. Sometimes we want our old lives back. We want to go to a time before cancer. We had our own plans for the future. We had just booked a surprise family trip to Disneyland (May 6-10th) that Josh had been given from work as an award. We were going to rip up our backyard and redo the lawn that the moles and weeds have destroyed. Josh wanted it done for Hudson this year. We were looking forward to spring break with the kids. A few days before "cancer day" we had sat down with the kids and all had a great time making lists of what we wanted to do. We had our own plans. We've learned that the Lord has his own plans. I've learned that many times before, but I guess I'm too stubborn to remember. When I look back at when my mom died, that tragedy, over time, brought me some of the biggest and brightest blessings and opportunities of my life. I'm learning that the Lord's plan is better for me than I know because he knows me. He knows my potential. And my potential reaches far beyond anything I can ever imagine. So, I guess what I am saying is that I need more faith. I need faith that on the other side of this deep, dense forest is a beautiful bright meadow that I didn't even know existed and is infinitely better than the field I was aiming for. I, we, just need faith. Our small faith has already allowed for large, unbelievable miracles. What could a little more faith do?

Marathon not a race....

Josh has chronic leukemia. I need to remember this. This will be a lifelong marathon the we will figure our stride to. I say this because Josh's treatment took a backwards step the past few days. As I said in the past blog post his first two rounds of Tasigna made him violently ill, gave him a massive headache, nose bleeds and dehydrated etc....we were not expecting that at all. We were ready for some mild reactions like itchy scalp, rash, or mild headache. Clearly something was off. Josh was sicker yesterday than he has ever been through this whole cancer process and was very close to being admitted into the ER again. After many conversations with the doctor we have decided to slow down. We are going to very slowly introduce tasigna into Josh's system.
He had a full 36 hours without the cancer medication and we've filled his system with antinausea and heartburn meds continually. Tonight he took half his usual dose of tasigna. We are hoping that the back up of Zofran and Prilosec in his body will help him do better tonight. If all goes well, he will get another half dose Sunday morning. Slowly we are going to see how his body reacts. We are all praying that we can find the right dosage soon and get moving on recovery. Lets hope we all sleep well tonight!

Time to fight.

We've had people say in the past two weeks that Josh can beat this.  Josh is a strong fighter.  We've heard people say that you have to fight cancer.  Honestly, until last night, it didn't seem like much of a fight.  It was more like waiting with the unknown in the pit of your stomach.  Last night we started the "fight" part.

Josh had a great couple of days.  He was finding that if he fought sleep off in the day that the nights went better and his mood and energy improved.  He even was able to go the Portland Trail Blazer's game last night with his brother.  He was slow in all he did.  But he was doing it.

Yesterday our "magic pill" arrived.  We had to have it shipped overnight from Seattle.  There are certain fasting restrictions when taking the medication.  Josh was scheduled to take his first dose (300mg) at 7:30pm last night.  He actually took them at the basketball game.

He came home feeling tired but ok.  No side effects.  We went to bed.  Josh woke me up at about 1am.  He wasn't feeling well.  His stomach was unsettled and he had massive heartburn.  He took some water and really just tossed and turned all night.  Symtoms got worse and nausea hit pretty hard in the morning.  Josh started throwing up so hard this morning that he also gave himself a bloody nose.  He took his morning dose of Tasigna and continued to decline.   I've been in talks with the doctor and nurses all day today.  Eventually it was decided that he not take tonight's dose of medication and let his body recover.  We are asked to push fluids and try to keep some food down.  He was also prescribed Zofran (my favorite anti-nausea pill while I am pregnant) and prilosec.   He is feeling a little better now but still in bed trying to sleep.  In the morning we are to call the Dr. and report on how the night went.  If all was better we will continue Tasigna, if not we are to go in for fluids and exams.  Right now we are all praying that his body FIGHTS and that it kills all those danged leukemia cells.